I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
