i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I have aggressive nipples.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
