i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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