bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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