I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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