my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize