I got chris browned last night
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
