Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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