From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Randomize