Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
nutella sex= disaster
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
