I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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