Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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