I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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