it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
we're so committed to being not committed
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
