omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
