i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
