She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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