i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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