she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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