She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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