thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
