I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
