not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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