why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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