stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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