is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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