as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
