OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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