good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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