Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
