That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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