I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
