Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize