I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
