well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
