Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
