I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
