marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
