drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
