During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
