I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
