She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
