I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
