I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
