bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
vagina is talking i cant
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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