Is it because I queefed?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
