Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
