sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
We have so much sex to catch up on
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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