1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
