That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
i need some magic done to my vagina
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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