Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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