Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
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Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
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turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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