Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
