I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
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Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
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I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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