dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
