So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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