do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
It's official drugs can't kill me
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
My vagina just clenched in fear
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