I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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