Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
