so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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