I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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