I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
