she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Couch. On fire.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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