why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
