the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
this is an emotional support booty call
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
