I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
