I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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