your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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