so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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